🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want completely … and at another point you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.